Thursday, October 20, 2005
halloween
I should've posted this a long time ago: What follows are some ideas for Halloween costumes. All of these are indisputably brilliant and will have the hipster girl that is dressed as the topless chick from "The Life Aquatic" at the party you are going to swooning over you.
1. team zissou, replete with red beanie hats, the zissou adidas shoes, and the blue outfit (with the Z's).
2. dr. tobias funke. must have the eyeglasses, the bald cap, and the cutoffs. can't ever be nude, even when going to the bathroom. you may optionally add the dashiki african tribal shirt. or you can go all out, apply yourself with blue body paint, and go out as blue man group tobias. a good accessory would be "analrapist"business cards. i am going to name my first child tobias funke. and have him wear cutoffs instead of diapers. this is my costume this year.
3. kim jung il. you need the large, gold late 70's/80's eyeblasses, the dr. evil-style gray suit, the korean haircut. recommended are the blue-blocker type sunglasses
with the white stripes that he has been seen wearing. need to be 60 pounds overweight. you cannot wear this costume if you plan on carrying around banned North Korean triplets or kidnapped Japanese directors as an added effect because that will ruin it. rub your 2 IQ points and start a fire.
4. burger king king. you know. the guy from the burger king commercials. this would be a good costume if everyone you hate weren't going to be wearing it. fuckin predictable hacks. anyways, burger king has caught on to the fanfare and is selling masks here. you can get a King Francois the First costume at amazon or Toys R us. good luck getting a burger king medallion on ebay. if you wear this costume, you are a total phony by default.
5. Willie Wonka. the black Willy Wonka. he's a walking stereotype: pimp cane, shiny purple suit (or a regular purple Sears-type one), gold teeth, 13-inch penis (this is necessary), a fro. if carried out in the wrong way, like if all night you kept quoting from "The Chappelle Show" like every other unoriginal, MDMA-overdosed buffoon, this costume would be trite and idiotic. i hate you and your G.E.D.
6. a suicide bomber equipped strings of Champagne party poppers. this isn't my idea; it's hers. soooo good. i'm in love with her cerebral cortex.
1. team zissou, replete with red beanie hats, the zissou adidas shoes, and the blue outfit (with the Z's).
2. dr. tobias funke. must have the eyeglasses, the bald cap, and the cutoffs. can't ever be nude, even when going to the bathroom. you may optionally add the dashiki african tribal shirt. or you can go all out, apply yourself with blue body paint, and go out as blue man group tobias. a good accessory would be "analrapist"business cards. i am going to name my first child tobias funke. and have him wear cutoffs instead of diapers. this is my costume this year.
3. kim jung il. you need the large, gold late 70's/80's eyeblasses, the dr. evil-style gray suit, the korean haircut. recommended are the blue-blocker type sunglasses
with the white stripes that he has been seen wearing. need to be 60 pounds overweight. you cannot wear this costume if you plan on carrying around banned North Korean triplets or kidnapped Japanese directors as an added effect because that will ruin it. rub your 2 IQ points and start a fire.
4. burger king king. you know. the guy from the burger king commercials. this would be a good costume if everyone you hate weren't going to be wearing it. fuckin predictable hacks. anyways, burger king has caught on to the fanfare and is selling masks here. you can get a King Francois the First costume at amazon or Toys R us. good luck getting a burger king medallion on ebay. if you wear this costume, you are a total phony by default.
5. Willie Wonka. the black Willy Wonka. he's a walking stereotype: pimp cane, shiny purple suit (or a regular purple Sears-type one), gold teeth, 13-inch penis (this is necessary), a fro. if carried out in the wrong way, like if all night you kept quoting from "The Chappelle Show" like every other unoriginal, MDMA-overdosed buffoon, this costume would be trite and idiotic. i hate you and your G.E.D.
6. a suicide bomber equipped strings of Champagne party poppers. this isn't my idea; it's hers. soooo good. i'm in love with her cerebral cortex.
