Turban Cowboy

2007-12-20T22:24:00.000-08:00

alli
lybrel
http://www.japanesebugfights.com/
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/
http://books.guardian.co.uk/review/

tv
The War - Ken burns
Robot Chicken
Yo Gabba Gabba!

books
NY observer book reviews

A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier
Born Standing UP
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao
Then We Came to the End: A Novel
Tree of Smoke: A Novel
The House of Meetings

2007-12-04T19:17:00.000-08:00

http://youtube.com/watch?v=BeCp6nLPQ8Q

http://www.yourdailyawesome.com/

http://www.cynical-c.com/

http://juniperberries.blogspot.com/

http://www.clusterflock.org/

2007-12-02T08:04:00.000-08:00

http://www.cracked.com/article_15699_p3.html
http://www.newyorker.com/talk/2007/12/03/071203ta_talk_mcgrath
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2007/11/12/071112fa_fact_gladwell
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2007/12/03/071203fa_fact_specter
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/26/us/26chicago.html?em&ex=1196658000&en=551cd89b9b29e1c9&ei=5070

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2TzX1hcnrY&eurl=http://chump-style.blogspot.com/2007_02_01_archive.html

http://menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com

http://www.cracked.com/article_15677_9-most-racist-disney-characters.html
http://icanhascheezburger.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Zvqf3sF0b4

2007-05-29T22:47:00.000-07:00

Gunter grass

archiving

gawande

dangerous attacks on HIV

all about walmart

commuting

the truth about forensic science

banksy

http://www.boardsmag.com/screeningroom/commercials/4343/

http://www.collegehumor.com/tag:michaelshowalter

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/03/sports/playmagazine/0603play-wood.html?em&ex=1180843200&en=12ddf8c8685f590e&ei=5087%0A

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/02/us/02vermont.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/02/nyregion/01cnd-house.html?hp

http://chicago.tourfilter.com/homepage

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/04/world/asia/04bhutto.html?hp

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/01/us/politics/01hoops.html?em&amp;amp;ex=1180843200&en=b6bd0c990da8efd9&ei=5087%0A

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/01/sports/baseball/01arod.html?em&ex=1180929600&en=bce86afcb0d97f0f&ei=5070

http://nymag.com/arts/books/features/2007/32390/index1.html

2007-05-28T23:54:00.000-07:00

latimes article on which springfield will hold the premiere of the movie

clark and michael

the story behind aint it cool

get your e-mails sent to your phone as text messages for free from telestial

who wants to see fan boys

an interesting article on judd apatow in nyt magazine

2007-05-06T13:35:00.000-07:00

mangoes from india are coming to the US.

make a horchata.

pigeon trainers

3d printers

2007-03-01T07:33:00.001-08:00

A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.

First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

The physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate."
The biologists: "They have reproduced".
The mathematician: "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again."

links galore

2007-02-03T09:12:00.000-08:00

Wasps use cockroaches as zombie hosts

The NY profiles Al Gore

And Barack Obama

Medicine's money problem

Neuroeconomics? What the shit is that?

How childbirth went industrial...

Unhappy meals

One of the best commercials you will ever view: VW shadow puppets

How perfumes are created

How simulators changed medicine

Students are suing their way to the top

The science of driving directions

How can someone live with 1/2 a brain?

Gladwell on Enron

Radosh on the bible

Gladwell on Ireland/GM

Pamuk's nobel lecture

Bad medicine

How doctors think

Google's quest for the universal library

Legendary travel writer's experiences in NY

a tres

2007-01-30T22:43:00.000-08:00

A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he is being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small stepladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range. "Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"Surprised and flattered, the man thanks the midget and starts to move away."Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them?"Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request.The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand me your wallet or I'll jump off the ladder!"

seconded

2007-01-30T22:38:00.000-08:00

A guy gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!The wife says, "Wow! That's great! I'm so happy!! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?He says, "I don't care. Just get the fuck out."

just a joke

2007-01-30T22:24:00.000-08:00

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine.

It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!"

Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.

"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.

"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!"

She smiles and they start kissing. Things began to heat up a little and Marie says,"Pierre, kiss me lower."

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts.

"Pierre!! What are you doing now?" asks the bewildered Marie.

"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"

She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude, and things really steam up.

Marie leans close to his ear and whispers,"Pierre, kiss me ! much lower!"

Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap.

He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine.

Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously,"PIERRE, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Our hero stands and says defiantly, for all to hear, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"

hello

2006-12-18T22:07:00.000-08:00

christmas in a box:

2006-12-18T22:04:00.001-08:00

some good torrent sites:

2006-12-16T13:38:00.000-08:00

http://www.myspleen.net/
http://tvtorrents.com
http://thepiratebay.org/
http://www.torrentspy.com/

hype blogroll

2006-12-09T20:39:00.000-08:00

Some hype blogs I tune into:

http://hype.non-standard.net/list/430
http://hype.non-standard.net/list/470
http://hype.non-standard.net/list/409

linkedy goodness

2006-12-09T19:40:00.000-08:00

some good tips for avoiding being scammed

a competitor arrives. zounds!

50 works of art you should see before you die.

a pretty good tv column over at salon

i liked this article about author Will Self's unique journey from London to New York.

the goods

2006-11-07T18:09:00.000-08:00

You want to want this show: It's always sunny in philadelphia. It's probably one of the funniest shows I've ever seen. I've just seen the first two episodes of the second season and it ripped a hole and gave me anal leakage.

You can watch them all here:

http://tvlinks.voodeedoo.org/It's%20Always%20Sunny%20in%20Philadelphia_links.html#It's%20Always%20Sunny%20in%20Philadelphia_1

halloween 2006

2006-10-02T08:36:00.000-07:00

My readers are coming back in droves. Stay cool my baaaabe-es. So a few things:
I was at the Conan O'brien show last Friday. It was spectacular. Except for Diddy.
Uggghh: He is Neanderthal man. He apparently has twins on the way. They've already made a press release in which they disclosed that they just wanted to be called 'twin'. Also, Conan is taller than Godzilla. He is doing his Halloween show in skeleton-vision. See for yourself.

Did you catch the South Park "Warcraft" episode? Chingchong check that out. Also "Thank you for smoking" and "Millions".

Also, a couple things about Alexsey Sexaaay Vayner, a student at Yale who embellished (to put it lightly) his resume in order to presumably get his foot in the door on Wall Street. Dwight Schrute anybody? This is something I could see as an episode arc on "The Office". Maybe I should write this spec script and send it in to their writers. I'll have to remember to find out about writing scripts and how to become a television writer. I've always wanted to look into this. See story 1 and story 2.

Steve Wynn is an idiot.

Finally, some costume ideas:

1. Kevin Federline

2. Sting Ray with an "I Heart Steve Irwin" or "Heartbreaker" or "Barb-er" or "Crocodile Hunter Hunter" t-shirt.
Stay away from places that serve Foster's, Australian for karate-chop in the groin. This is my costume so piss off.

3. John Mark Carr
If you can pull it off, hike up those docker's, sport that polo shirt, and slick that hair back. The outfit may be better if one were to sport a "Dakota Fanning Fan club" t-shirt.

4. Jeffrey Sebalalalal - aka "Neck Tattoo" from Project Runway 3

Got anything else? manbearpig? Hahaha. High comedy.

Welcome back Kotter

2006-09-20T07:57:00.000-07:00

Borat gets written up in the NY Observer.

It's official, Studio 60 is a critical hit. Are you watching yet? The pilot is available on NBC's website. Also, VERONICA MARS premieres next week on the new CW. Giddy up.

Save money: The best times to buy plane tickets, cars, etc.

Google SMS. Text "walgreens chicago, IL 60613" to GOOGL (4-6645). A few seconds later, a message will arrive giving phone numbers, addresses, and crude directions to any Walgreens stores in the area. This is a free service (or the price of a text message if you don't have unlimited texting). Of Google's products, after their search engine, this probably has the most impact on my daily life. Use also for directions ("sunnyvale, CA to oakland, CA"), stock quotes, simple arithmetic, fact-checking, and weather conditions.

A unique way to discover bands. More eclectic, more current, more nauseatingly exhaustive than any internet radio station can ever hope to be. The one and only, the Hype Machine.

Read at your leisure:
Michael Gondry in the Sunday Magazine.

Indian farmers and suicide.

Why I hate Zach Braff. I agree with most of what the author says.

Manifold Destiny. A must read about a mathematical dilemna unsolved for a century--identified by the Clay Institute as one of seven fundamental, yet unsolved mathetical problems--and the young Russian mathematician who finally solved it but rebuffed the accompanying accolades. The resolution of the Poincaré Conjecture was a collaborative effort ultimately leading to the awarding of three Field's metals and, still unrewarded, a one-million dollar prize. There has been an academic scuffle of sorts surrounding recent events that led to its resolution, mathematicians taking credit when credit is not due, academics pointing fingers, still others deflecting blame. The only one unstirred by the upheaval is the person who proved the conjecture, Grigory Perelman.

You just know the 2008 Best Picture nominees will include a film titled "Perelman" or "Truth Theory" or "Manifold Destiny". As a matter of fact, a co-writer on the New Yorker article wrote the book which was adapted into the film, "A Beautiful Mind."

Nacho Libre

2006-04-22T11:16:00.000-07:00

a trailer i just saw on apple.com/trailers for 'nacho libre'. it looks funny. i'm going to put my endorsement out there now so i can put myself above the plebeians that will blog about it and quote it incessantly and without shame this summer.

2006-04-03T22:25:00.000-07:00

GO WATCH THIS

hooray for meatwad

2006-03-28T20:06:00.000-08:00

According to this guy on the TVOP forums, Arrested Development has been picked up by Showtime but Mitch Hurwitz hasn't yet decided whether he wants to continue.

Concert/Band poster art from the bird machine.

What a bizarre show. As offbeat and funky as a pregnant wad of meat. A clip of Wonder Showzmen.

Ahh, that brings me back. Two pieces of dialogue from the pregnant meatwad
Aqua Teen episode:

Frylock: Well guess what? Meatwad's pregnant.
Meatwad: True that.
Frylock: Meatwad you can't possibly be pregnant!
Meatwad: Ye of little faith! How do you know that?
Frylock: First off, you're a ma...
(stares at Meatwad while Meatwad's smiling)
Frylock: Well you're kind of a...
I don't know, you're a male!
Meatwad: I am?! Awesome, that is so cool! I always wanted a gender!

Meatwad: Oh... boy, I apologize. My hormones are goin' nuts. Now, please... if you would... get the f*** outta my way. I mean, how many times I gotta f***in' write "ice cream" on this f***in' list before someone gets in f***in' gear, and brings home the f***in' ice cream? Maybe I should get a steak knife, and etch it in your muthaf***in' forehead! How hard can it f***in' be? Ice muthaf***in' cream! I guess that's the price I pay for livin' with two f***in' morons!

In Chicago and have no idea where to park? Go here to find the best priced garage.

Ehhh, fabio

2006-03-18T12:34:00.000-08:00

(graphic stolen from www.action-squad.com. they're good shit so go read it.)

The 2006 lollapalooza lineup has been announced. Among those performing: Feist, Gnarls Barkely, The Shins, Manu Chao, Common, Matisyahu, BSS, The Editors, The Stars, Calexico, The Frames, Mates of State, and Of Montreal.

Also, Intonation and Pitchfork have announced some of their lineups. Can you believe it!

A funny list at that shrine to literary ostentation McSweeney's.

Been watching 'The Sopranos'? Two lines that I enjoyed from the past two weeks (SPOILER alert!):

"Ammazzare Malanga" - Uncle Junior, before he shoots Tony in the stomach. Junior is so funny sometimes. Check out this audio mix from the episode if you don't know what I'm talking about.

"Let's go Van Helsing." - Paulie Walnuts to Anthony, who has recently grown his hair out. Paulie is pretty fucking fantastic too. Paulie Walnuts. What a name. A lot better than Tony Sirico, who, surpise surprise, has a criminal record.

Conan's coming to Chicago!. He will be for four shows starting May 9. Ticket information will be disclosed on the March 28th show.

Michael Crichton on the absurdity of some recent patents.

The real turban cowboy

2006-03-15T17:48:00.000-08:00

So I guess I stole 'Turban Cowboy' from someone, not that he was bright enough to come up with the name himself. His name is Vikram Chatwal, and he's the heir to the Hampshire Hotels chain. What's the deal with hotel heirs and heiresses becoming socialite STD-magnets who do nothing but buy contraceptive and sleep with each other? Here's the problem. These people are EVOLVING. They are becoming resistant to disease. They've survived virtually everything out there, having been exposed to every virus, every drug, every bacterium, etc. I mean, Ms. Hilton smokes embalming fluid. That shit will kill YOU! And when they procreate, they are going to create genetically-resilient, disease-resistant, though tragically daft, superbabies. And their genes will flourish. They will spread from NY to Tibet, from to peepee to cacka, from generation to generation. And the human race will be fucked. Fucked!

Anyway, Vikram just got married. To a model, of course. I'm keeping my name gawddamnit.

Call 800-FREE-411 and 800-411-METRO for free directory assistance. No need to use 411 anymore.

Jesus can the NYT name drop geneticists. "We are still evolving." Like a two-bit hooker in Addison couldn't have told me that. The NYT has too many field writers.

Andy and Conan, back together again

2006-03-14T13:43:00.000-08:00

"The Sopranos" started Sunday. Watch the trailer here.

Rejoice! Andy and Conan are getting back together again, though not on "Late Night." Conan is developing a sitcom for Andy in which he will play an accountant who takes over an office that used to belong to a private investigator. Old customers keep coming to him and he isn't getting any new accounting business so he assumes the role of the previous occupant. Ha ha ha. What a bunch of funny guys! Just please bring back the driving desk.

Gooawd. Who the shit approved this design? Probably Brandon Flowers. Jeez. He's probably cutting his coke with eyeliner now.

If you are a t-mobile customer, lucky you. You now get free wireless on weekends at places where t-mobile wireless is available (Borders, Starbucks, etc.).

Google Video your way to becoming a surgeon.

It's unofficial. The Dotcom boom is back, but this time in New York.

Steve Holt!

2006-03-07T12:35:00.000-08:00

David Sedaris in the New Yorker. His usual "my family is F'd in the A" angle. How much longer can this be done?

A new, better way to buy airplane tickets online. The site presents the user with a graph of prices around the requested date of travel. You can even overlay graphs to nearby destinations.

Trace your genealogical history for $100.

A video compilation of dunks from the recent NBA All Star Dunk Contest.

Wanna be the Papa, You can be the Mom. oh oh!

2006-03-05T11:36:00.000-08:00

A discussion about sex ratios in developing and developed countries, and a related article on
female infanticide in India.

Depression and the presidency: A relationship.

A very interesting conversation between Malcolm Gladwell and Bill Simmons as part of Simmons' "Curious Guy" feature. Science and statistics as they apply to sports.

Important TV happenings:
1. Dane Cook recently inked a deal with HBO. He will develop a comedy special and a show called Tourgasm.
2. Rumors abound concerning Showtime picking up Arrested Development.
3. The actor who plays Josh, the wonderfully written and brilliantly acted Deputy Chief of Staff from "The West Wing," Bradley Whitford, will join the cast of Aaron Sorkin's new show.

Trailer mashup No. 1,742: Requiem for Toy Story II.

Ode to Maher: Bill Maher

2006-02-15T10:17:00.000-08:00

Bill Maher is spot on. His wry and honest commentary on the recent Cheney shooting and the Bush administration in general is a must see. Lordy lordy.

More Maher:
1.
2.

A pretty neat idea called airtroductions. It's airplane social networking. Passengers arrange who they sit next to on a flight. Meet new people, learn about different companies, date, or talk with people your age on flights, cab rides, etc.

Gladwell on social services.

More Huraki Murakami in the New Yorker.

Wild beyond belief. Wasps make good pimps. So wasps. Wasps are motherfuckers. They'll sting a roach, temporarily paralyzing it, sting it again—this time in the head to disable its escape reflex, thereby suspending it in a zombie-like state where the wasp can control its every move—then steer it to the wasp's burrow where it will then be used to roost the wasp's larvae. These larvae eventually hatch, bite their way into the roach, weave themselves into cocoons, and then come out all fresh and clean—so fresh and so clean—in about four weeks.

Non-fiction: book recommendations

2006-02-06T14:27:00.000-08:00

Some non-fiction/memoirs I will be or have been reading:

1) The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcolm Gladwell.
2) Freakonomics: A Rogue Economics Explores the Hidden Side of Everything by Steven D. Levitt.
3) Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies by Jared Diamond.
4) The World is Flat: A Brief History of the 21st Century by Thomas L. Friedman.
5) Assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell.
6) The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion.
7) Angela's Ashes: A Memoir by Frank McCourt.

hooorah

2006-02-06T10:32:00.000-08:00

Blue States Lose, alive and kicking.

New Gladwell in the New Yorker (profiling and pitbulls). Not as good as his usual stuff.

Monica Ali in the New Yorker last week.

Get your free 2006 Chicago Auto Show Tickets!!!

Words not to put on your resume.

You know that movie "Good Night and Good Luck"? It's all about Edward R. Murrow.

News! about Aaron Sorkin's new show on NBC. Matthew Perry and Amanda Peet have signed on, in addition to Steven Wright, Nate Corddry, and mothafuckin D.L. Hughley. I ain't none-to-thrilled about Corddry and Hughley, but I'm sure the rest of the cast can pull it off. Come on. It's Sorkin.

More fiction in the New Yorker. This time, Huraki Murakami.

Watch Conan's first show in its entirety

2006-01-28T12:23:00.000-08:00

Did the Chinese discover the Americas first? I hope so. Columbus was a chode.

The Chicago Public Radio show "This American Life" is going to become a series on Showtime. Also, Michael C. Hall (David on "Six Feet Under") is getting his own show on the network in which he plays a serial killer who works for the the Miami police department. He could always, always pull of creepy.

The new album from The Spinto Band is a listener.

First mendhi, Bollywood film (see "Ghost World") and music (Timbaland/Magoo, DJ Shadow, that ugly bitch who sang ), now Indian hair: The amalgamation of Indian culture in America. NPR lays it down:

Hair sacrificed from Indian women as a part of a religious custom has found a huge market
in America, especially LA:

"Tiripati temple is where most of the Hindu offerings take place. The hair trade is a boon for the temple, now commonly known as the richest temple in India. Much of that money is coming from places like Los Angeles, where advertisements for Indian hair dot utility poles and storefront windows across the city."

tags: online banking, recipes, car trouble: diagnosing, real estate

2006-01-28T10:27:00.000-08:00

Some frankly dubious evidence has come to light arguing that 2 -3 million Irishmen worldwide and 1 out of every 50 New York Irishmen are descendants of the Irish king Niall of the Nine Hostages.

How to get your estate to stay within your family: put it in a trust.

A real estate blog from the NYT.

Yummm. Twice-baked baked potatoes.

Car not starting? Having trouble diagnosing whether it's the starter, the battery, or the engine? Try visiting this online cough clinic for your car, which has sound clips of typical car ailments.

Which online bank account is right for you. A brief guide.

A small orchestra and a few actors put on a theatrical show to emulate Mike Tyson's Punch Out. Fantastic beyond belief.

Kevin Federline bops head, grimaces, jams to his own vibe: PopoZao

2006-01-25T19:55:00.000-08:00

Kevin Federline jams to his new Brazillian single in his studio. Just watch it. There's no need to
describe it.

Watch and pass it on. Get the whole song at Stereogum.

I think sensible internet users have a responsibility to spread this video not
only to support the claim that Kevin Federline started as the down-sydrome
zygote of Vanilla Ice, Marky Mark, Donny Osmond, a cucumber, anthrax,
some vagina crust, and whatever else was up in Mommy Federline's punani at
the time of conception, but also to encourage the filming of similar videos in the future.

golden globe speeches, will arnett on conan, and youtube

2006-01-24T16:06:00.000-08:00

I hate Firefox for fucking crashing. All the time. In the middle of posting, eating, humping, brushing, douching, scratching, cooking, biting, delousing, twisting, showering, walking, sleeping, shitting. Fuckity fucky motherfuck.

Anyways, youtube is a video hosting web service. I first heard about it when the "Chronicles of Narnia" video hit the internet. Here is a nice greasemonkey script for Firefox that allows you to download youtube videos. You can also just edit the youtube link like this.

Conan does an interview every once in a while in which he and the guest just click on all cylinders. I see these a few times a year, but they probably happen more often. This happened when he recently interviewed the very gifted Will Arnett of "Arrested Development". Here is the video link.

Also, Golden Globe speeches from Steve Carrell ("The Office") and Hugh Laurie ("House M.D."):

"Wow, I, uh, I really did not expect this so I didn't write anything. However, my wife did and handed me something. Um, I'd like to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press for this great honor. I would also like to thank my wife, Nancy, for her constant support and for being so beautiful tonight. That's true. Thanks also to Ricky Gervais and Steven Merchant for creating such a wonderful, ground breaking piece of television and to Greg Daniels for his talent, courage, and sheer audacity. This is good, thank you. Uh, also to my wife, for giving me two wonderful children as painful as her labor might have been. Thanks also to an excellent cast, crew, and writing staff all of whom I am indebted to. If were not for you, I would not be here right now. I don't know about that. Steve Sower, Michelle Bowen, Matt Labog, Holly Berell...Nancy, my precious wife, who put her career on hold in support of mine and who sometimes wishes that I would let her know when I am going to be home late so she can schedule her life which is no less important than mine. To my parents for not making me go to law school. And finally to the love of my life, my wife Nancy. Thank you very much. This is a very great honor."

- Steve Carrell (video link)

"Oh my goodness, thank you so much. Thank you to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for this. This is absolutely terrific. On the way over here I made a list of all of the people who deserve to be thanked. (pauses) It came to 172 names. (looks up) Um. You ready?

Uh, well I thought obviously can't do that so I wrote down the 172 names, put them on little individual pieces of paper. I have them in my left-hand trouser pocket. I'm just going to draw out three at random, and everyone else can just lump it.

Ughh. Gonna give it a shake. (draws out the first name) I'd like to thank the script supervisor Ira Horowitz. (tosses paper on floor). (draws out second name) I'd like to thank the hair stylist Diana Akree. (draws out third name, looks at it, then tosses it to the ground in disgust). Oh, to hell with that. (draws out another name). I'd like to thank my agent Christian Hodell. (looks at it closely) That's not my handwriting. (pauses) Oh, he's good..."

- Hugh Laurie (video link)

Private Warriors

2006-01-24T15:22:00.000-08:00

Blimeeee. Blimey! I've never been much of a "Frontline" watcher. But then I saw "The Secret History of the Credit Card" (which you can watch online on PBS's website, in addition to 52 "Frontline" other episodes) and I became interested. Soon after came "Is Walmart Good for America?" Then, last week, a harrowing, raw look at the privitization of the American military in Iraq. Military contracting is an extremely high-risk occupation, one that many ex-Army, Marine, Navy Seal, and Air Force professionals pursue for financial reasons. The three-person Frontline crew responsible for producing, writing, filming, and narrating this film were the first to interview those in charge of running military operations in Iraq for private contracting firms such as Blackwater USA, Halliburton subsidiary KBR ("the Dick Cheney one"), AEGIS, and Erinys (British).

The military has contracted the provision of fuel, food, sanitation services, construction services, transportation services, and security to these firms, who do everything from providing American soldiers with several different types of ice cream after their meals to protecting the US Ambassador and other officials. They are of course compensated handsomely, for Iraq is one of the most violent, dangerous, conflict-ridden places in the world. It is where a 2-mile stretch of road from the Baghdad airport to the US-controlled Green Zone — so-called Route Irish — is often referrred to as "the road of death" due to the constant threat of snipers, insurgents with grenade launchers, and suicide bombers. It is where even journalists who were against the war in Iraq and are against the US-held occupation of Iraq are sometimes threatened, kidnapped, held for ransom, and murdered. And it is where, on a sunny March day in 2004, four American Blackwater security guards were helping transport supplies for the catering firm ESS, entered pro-Saddam Fallujah, were attacked by insurgents, shot multiple times, burned in their cars — their charred, lifeless bodies beat in the street —and finally dragged through the streets and hung from a bridge for all the world to see.

literally totally ridiculously awesome cool nice

2006-01-17T21:32:00.000-08:00

Looking for a job? Be careful about posting your resume online at Monster.com, CareerBuilder, and HotJobs. Identify theft is a common problem.

gap, (all right, up to 60% off), express (eh, moving on), aeropostale (giddy yup: $10 shirts), and urban outfitters (giddy yup, but lots gone already) sales

A rise in the number of young Japanese men who become shut-ins, sometimes not leaving their homes for years: link.

Cubs tickets go on sale on Feb. 24.

So the shield? 24? deadwood? the wire? grey's anatomy? (I've seen this one. It's like Felicity but about doctors. Relationships develop between interns and doctors in a hospital. Everybody's gonna sleep with everybody else. Then it'll end. Balls.)

Syriana? Munich? Walk the Line? A History of Violence? I saw "In Her Shoes" (good if only because that's what I've always imagined Cameron Diaz was like) and "Me, You, and Everyone we Know" (miranda july, what was this? you can't just throw together disjoint dialogue and camara shots and sounds and expect them to make sense together.)

10 home buying mistakes.

3 hours about Lincoln on the History Channel! 3 hours! Oh boy!

Halal sugar

2006-01-14T09:04:00.000-08:00

Diabetes is an epidemic and Asians — Chinese, Korean, and Japanese — are particularly susceptible. 14% of Asian American children are overweight, while only 7% of their parents are. The American diet does not harmonize with the Asian body.

A scientific study: Are hybrids worth it?

A pretty cool site where you can look up the sale prices/market values of homes near your house.

The definition of Halal meat.

The American population is slowly but imminently approaching 300 million.

10 ways to avoid high hospital bills. Like bring your own kleenex so you don't get charged $129 for a "mucous recovery system".

2006-01-11T18:11:00.000-08:00

wasn't going to post today, but there was some stuff i wanted to get out there:

free ipod shuffle when you open a 1-year CD with Netbank.

the college admissions essay that started it all.

7 home buying tips.

a soduku tv show.

Hello moto

2006-01-09T20:36:00.000-08:00

The chances of getting tickets to the Oprah Winfrey show are slim. To summarize: take 45000 tickets per season, or 300 some tickets per taping, subtract the tickets given to relatives of the crew and guests, VIPs, friends of the crew, and so on, add in 8 million viewers a day, many of them unemployed housewives in Burr Ridge with little to do between manicures and DVDA with their gardeners, and you get hundreds, thousands, dare I say trillions, of people trying to get tickets to a taping of the show.

Whatever. I never wanted to read his book anyway.

The flu-prevention concoction known as Airborne.

Since when do Dave Eggers and Spike Jonze colloborate on anything? They co-wrote wrote a screenplay for "Where the Wild Things Are."

Text books bound in human skin are still in some libraries.

GM lowers the price of their entire line of vehicles.

How and when to cancel a credit card.

A list of the top 10 online banks.

David Silver, oh dj, oh rapper, oh actor, oh string theorist

2006-01-06T22:32:00.000-08:00

I think I posted this before: Some Hasidic Jews participate in a circumcision custom in which a mohel sucks blood from a baby's wound to "clean" it. Not suprisingly, the custom has become a controversial issue as it poses a health risk to the infants on which it is performed. In the New York/New Jersey metropolitan area, the ritual has led to three cases of neonatal herpes.

New insights on the genetic evolution of cats.

I just saw "The Elegant Universe," a NOVA special based on the book of the same name by Brian Greene, the famous physicist from Columbia University and, coincidentally, second string to the more talented, more intelligent Brian Austin Green. The series is meant to be a layman's introduction to string theory, the notion that all matter and all forces in our universe are composed of tiny "strings" of energy, smaller than the smallest atom or any known subatomic particle. Some physicists believe that String Theory is the all-encompassing "unified theory" that Einstein spent his last decades trying to find.

Mayor Daley profiled in the times.

Home inspections and buying a house. What a seller must tell
a buyer. More about home inspectors.

installment loans: annuities

2006-01-05T14:22:00.000-08:00

Ahhh. I got so caught up in china and banking and real estate and bird flu and indie rock that I haven't posted anything about mathematics in a long time. As this is a Math Blog, let's get to work children.

For those of you with student loans, if you've ever wanted to calculate how much interest you'd pay on your loan over your payment period, I'll go over how. This is simple shit people, things you learned in high school but probably are a little rusty on (unless you are a CPA, broker, etc.).

Say you have 5 $4000 loans that you consolidated back in June at an interest rate of 2.57% to be paid in monthly installments over a 10-year period. Let's first calculate your monthly payment amount.

This type of loan is called an annuity (where you pay off a loan in installments). Here, the principle is $20000 (P), on which you will pay back the lender at an interest rate of 2.57% (i) per year for 10 (n) years, in 12 (q) equal payments per year. The monthly payment M is:

M = Pi/[q(1-[1+(i/q)]^-nq)]

Plugging the numbers in we get M = $189.18.

To get the total interest payed over 10 years on this loan, calculate Mnq - P, which is $2701.60.

polygamist yupster post about indian tshirts and seoul real estate

2006-01-04T09:08:00.000-08:00

There is a debate going on in the real estate world concerning the 6% sales commision that agents earn for simply listing a house in the MLS (a listing service), helping a seller price a home (which one can hire an appraiser to do themselves), negotiating (which I think is helpful but one can hire a lawyer to do it for less), and filing paperwork for closing the sale. On a $250,000 house, is that really worth $15,000?

A tshirt blog.

The power of Seoul on the Chinese. Speaking of South Korea, aren't they like totally fucking shattered by the recent Hwang Woo-suk debacle?

Whas a yupster? Apparently a "yuppie hipster". And Newsweek, always hip to current trends, has finally realized that people are buying indie music.

In India, public displays of affection, or even sitting on park benches together, is discouraged, sometimes violently.

I hate hunters. Neanderthals. They know we raise meat on the farm now, right?

A new HBO series will begin this year starring Bill Paxton as a polygamist living on the outskirts of Salt Lake City. I guess Chloe Sevigny will be one of his wives. I don't yet know whether she will be giving Bill's character blow jobs at the end of every episode.

Tip: n. the price that “one American is willing to pay to induce another American to acknowledge inferiority”, and other things

2006-01-03T11:09:00.000-08:00

(Pedro Figari)

Larry David on "Brokeback Mountain" in the times.

Why America tips.

A very good article on health insurance in America by Gladwell. Why it is the way it is. (a repost)

New insight on cancer. Cancer is genetic, but there is more to the story.

For those in the Chicago area, get your tickets to oprah. I've been trying for a month now, still no luck.

Some ways to save money:

-Best buy has buy 1 DVD, get 1 free for certain TV series. Link.
-Buy 64 20 oz. drinks at Wendy's, get a free RT ticket on Airtrans (expired 12/31)
-Take out a low-interest loan and buy a home. It's is easier now, though not any less expensive.
-Get a Citi credit card (5% cash back on drugs, gas, groceries, 1% on everything else, up to $300
annually).
-Open an ING-direct savings account and earn 3.8% interest.
-Go to the library to get books and movies. At my library, nonficiton DVDs are free, and popular DVDs are $1. I'd highly recommend Frontline: Is Walmart Good for America?,
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind, Chicago: City of the Century (American Experience), Frontline: Secret History of the Credit Card, The Sea Inside, and The Weather Underground (!!!!!). I'd recommend Collateral, Fever Pitch (if you like baseball), and Closer.

Madonna pawns originality, no one buying

2005-11-07T19:28:00.000-08:00

Borat hosted the MTV Europe music awards last week. This is an advert for the gig that he did. Some quotes from the evening here. Some more coverage . I think this could have been okay to watch, but from what I've read, it just didn't seem that good. Though, confusing Madonna with a tranvestite after she came out dressed in a purple leotard, black tights, and big purple leather boots was satisfying. Yes please. I know it was just a joke. But yes please. Madonna needs to be taken down a notch. Showing up at a Misshapes party dressed like Ms. Mark Hunter was pretty fuckin vainglorious. And now I see you in this. This mess. This one-eyed, one-horned flyin' purple people eater. How fucking original, like that red hair on my nutsack. You change your image to sell records. Isn't there something wrong with that? Yes Madonna. Yes Cobra Snake. Yes Last Nights Party. You are all so retro. You are all so envied.

So Sarah Silverman has a new movie out called "Jesus is Magic". I'm looking forward to it. She's on Conan on Wednesday too.

This is the first time I've seen this: 37 Record-Store Clerks Feared Dead in Yo La Tengo Concert Disaster.

Some of these short videos for Nickelodeon's "Halloween Shrieken Weekend" were nice.

Dejus kryisss. Mike Tyson. Bobby Brown. Jimmy Kimmel. "Monster Mash".

Learn the Napoleon Dynamite dance.

2005-11-04T17:43:00.000-08:00

Taxes are a changin'.

Whoa, and so are cabs.

Cars too. This very fortunate man and his family are leasing the Honda FCX, the world's first hydrogen-fuel-cell powered automobile. And some cars are also getting night-vision as luxury car-makers are releasing active and passive lighting systems.

Their album came out earlier this year but 'The Shoutout Louds' make everyone howl, howl, gaff, and then gaff again.

Seafood on menus.

Yeah yeah yeah. Everyone already knows Lincoln suffered from depression.

Jarhead comes out today. I will watch it, but what aeropostale-american-eagle-urban-outfitter-wearing, asian, mohawked, collar-up music coordinator chose Kanye West's "Jesus Walks" as the trailer music?

Awesome awesome awesome. If this research is correct, 1.6 million Chinese men have the same Y chromosome as China's 16th Century Manchu invaders. The researchers, led by Dr. Chris Tyler-Smith, believes this chromosome is so prolific because of the many concubines Manchu leaders kept.

Thoughts of a food critic about her job.

pbs is bling bling rupees and shillings

2005-11-04T01:29:00.000-08:00

PBS recently aired a 3-part, 6-hour series called "Rx for Survival: A Global Health Challenge", and I cannot praise it enough. It is not an exhaustive probe into the history of disease epidemics but rather a concise summary of the diseases that have plagued mankind—cholera, smallpox, the 1918 flu virus, and polio—how they work, and how they were eradicated. I had no idea that there were a group of smallpox eradication volunteers, many of them shaggy, long-haired 70s Americans, who traversed India and Africa delivering the vaccine to smallpox victims. I had no idea that the primary reason polio has not been completely eradicated is because in countries like India and Nigeria doctors are facing resistance from conservative Muslims who refuse to take the vaccination for religious reasons. Nigeria is home to 80% of the polio cases that exist in the world today. The program also comments on current epidemics that scientists have not been able to thwart, such as those due to AIDS, ebola, and, though not yet an epidemic, avian bird flu. This mini-series was heavily funded by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. They fund scores of programs like these, not to mention the money they donate to the organizations whose mission it is to reduce or eliminate the prevalence of killer diseases in third-world countries. I'm not sure the argument that Microsoft is the devil incarnate really matters to me anymore.

go to walmart to watch pbs whilst literally reading twain and listening to Olga Sarantos

2005-11-02T11:40:00.000-08:00

"Walmart has what?," you ask. A war room. "A what?" A war room. Walmart hired presidential advisors from Ronald Reagon's and Bill Clinton's administrations to improve its image in reponse to critics who believe that it treats its employees poorly. One of those critics is Robert Greenwald, director of the upcoming documentary "Walmart: The high cost of a low price."

The NYT goes apeshit over Lisa Randall, a physics professor at Harvard who has come up with a plausible theory on why gravity is such a relatively weak force and that an infinite dimension of space could be sitting next to us undetected.

Females may have a greater sense of pain because they have more nerve fibers.

PBS is wonderful. They are currently showing a 3-part, 6 hour Rx for survival series, and you absolutely should be watching. It is as compelling as anything else on television.

Doris Kearns Goodwin was on "The Daily Show" last week, and I learned that she has written a new book about the one and only President Abraham Lincoln and rhymes and lyricizes about his political genius. The New Yorker has a review.

The Go! Team profile in the NYT.

The Fiery Furnaces and their grandmother.

Ricky Gervais' next project will be a film collaboration with Christopher Guest.

Tons of short stories online.

Slate talks about the word "literally", and how it has been improperly used by everyone from Mark Twain to F. Scott Fitzgerald.

BVBVBVBVBVBVBV

2005-10-31T12:34:00.000-08:00

Alan Ball, the creator and head writer of "Six Feet Under" and the writer/director/producer of "American Beauty", is supposedly developing a new show for HBO based on the "Southern Vampire" series of vampire novels in which vampires and humans co-exist. As I tripped head-over-All-Stars in love with "Six Feet Under" and yearn for it nightly, I am anxious and giddy. This probably won't come to fruition for a while, but maybe his adapation of the novel "Towelhead"— which I wish to read right away — will be released before it.

So you guys know Boondocks, right? The comic strip. It's pretty funny, and, because creator Aaron McGruder and I often hold comparable political views, I think it's pretty neat that the Cartoon Network is turning it into a series. It will join the Adult Swim lineup starting November 6.

If you aren't reading brooklyn vegan and you like music, you are deprived. For example, I just found out that

Morcheeba has a new singer,
James Shaw of Metric is now also part of Broken Social Scene,
Emily Haines is wild,
Broken Social Scene's cause=time video is fine by me,
Metric's "Monster Hospital" video is pretty cool,
the cobra snake was profiled in the LA times,
indie-rocks females from the fiery furnaces, the raveonettes, joy zipper, and modeled clothes for the NYT recently,
more video goodness from NAHPI - Do They Know It's Halloween?
halloween mashups here,
and american analog set has stopped touring. boooooooooo!

Rosa Parks kills birds with Valerie Plume while eating chocolate and googling for centenarians in "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang"

2005-10-29T10:33:00.000-07:00

Is Barbershop right? Was Rosa Parks preceded by other blacks who refused to vacate her seat, and do they deserve more credit? I think that, yes, they deserve more credit, but it should not denigrate what Rosa Parks did. I'm not sure it matters whether she was a pioneer; she was bold enough to stand in the face of blatant discrimination. Her story drew press coverage, and her struggle inspired others to follow suit.

How they kill birds infected with avian bird flu.

Valerie Plume. Oh my what a name. She does sound like a covert CIA agent. The Bush Administration pisses all over things yet again.

Chocolate is good for you in small doses, so says Mars Candy Co.

The media pleasures itself to Google yet again.

A neat article about centenarians.

I want to see "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang". Val Kilmer. Downy Jr. This can't be good, right?

pumpkin carving

2005-10-28T15:20:00.000-07:00

practice pumpkin carving online. click.
i'm thinking about doing a vas deferens.

sox win, 335 people in chicago rejoice

2005-10-28T13:42:00.000-07:00

The White Sox have swept the Houston Astros to win the World Series. They went 11-1 in the postseason, they won their last 8 games in a row, they swept Anaheim and Hoston in their home stadiums, they were in first place every day of the season, and at one point their starting rotation threw four-straight complete games in the ALCS. They killed. Bravo. I am a Cubs fan. But bravo.

I don't like that they aren't getting as much praise as the Red Sox did last year. The White Sox had a longer drought, and they didn't spin failure as misfortune, crying "Curse! Curse!", choosing instead to attribute their lot in baseball life to what it was, not why it wasn't. Joe Buck (Joe BuckityBucky Buck, how you annoy me), Tim McCarver, Bill Simmons, ESPN.com, the New York Times, Time Magazine, Sports Illustrated, Newsweek. Give credit where credit is due.

Surprise, surprise. Miers withdraws her nomination to the Supreme Court.

Broken Social Scene is profiled in NY magazine. Yowser.

I agree, David Spade's new show is oooall right.

Tips for investing so that you aren't working into your early 70s.

While the Greenland ice cap has become slightly thicker recently, this is still consistent with gobal warming models

Does Idaho have an outbreak of Jacob-Creutzfeldt disease? 9 cases have been reported in Idaho this year. But they haven't been confirmed cases of the disease because physicians are reluctant to perform autopsies.

DNA differences between people have been mapped. The avian flue is just hype?

The colbert report is kind of funny, but it doesn't sustain my interest for very long.

Bulgaria, Croatia, Panama are the new France, Italy, Switzerland. Vacation homes are changing location.

China is luring top academics back to her homeland. The Chinese hope to be a world-class destination for academic excellence.

The Whiting Awards were announced.

More on the NBA's new dress code.

I titillate with my posts

2005-10-27T16:21:00.000-07:00

More hype for Aaron Sorkin's new show, like "Sport's Night" but about a sketch-comedy show. Bill Simmons from ESPN's Page 2 has read the script for the pilot and is foaming at the mouth.

If you are a fan of Chilean sea bass, their population is dramatically dwindling.

The new yorker searches for a planted word in the New Oxford American Dictionary that is made up.

That 2GB Ipod nano that you bought for $200 is only worth $103 in parts and labor. For you communications majors out there, that is a $97 profit.

A new documentary about illegal immigrants from Mexico and their journey across our southern border is in production. The filmmakers also gave some immigrants cameras to document their experiences. Some pictures are available on the site now.

A board game called C-jump that teaches you the C programming language. Please don't buy this especially for your children. They don't want to be eunuchs.

Compulsive liars have ~25% more white matter in their prefrontal cortices than non-liars.

Is "Good Night and Good Luck", the new George Clooney biopic about Edward R. Murrow, worth seeing? The subject is unquestionably interesting. Murrow's news broadcasts were a main source of information for countless Americans during WWII. In the 50's, he produced segments in which he questioned the cold war hysteria sweeping the nation and helped end McCarthyism. George Clooney means Steven Soderburgh is close by. And he is. He's executive producer. "Traffic" was compelling, "Welcome to Collinwood" was surprisingly good, but Soderburgh and Clooney together can be hit or miss. And fuckin Mark Cuban, the outspoken, slightly douchy owner of the Dallas Mavericks, is an executive producer. This movie has 8 executive producers. And the screenplay was co-written by Clooney. Dr. Doug Ross, a writer? And it's PG. I can't decide.

What I have approved on my over-priced, broke-ass ipod: The Editors' album (basically Interpol redux), the Rosebuds album, the Minus Story album, the new Animal Collective, and Cut Copy.

2005-10-24T10:35:00.000-07:00

Forbes, yes Forbes the business magazine, lists the top art crimes of all time.

Dita Von Teese, the classically sexy burlesque dancer who is engaged to be married to Marilyn Manson, is profiled in the NYT. I still don't understand: Why? Why him?

Like I suspected, this burger-king halloween costume craze is unreal.

Pretty neat: this artist constructed a Jello replica of San Francisco.

Fortune profiles bittorrent creator Bram Cohen.

The Nation discusses Harriet Miers nomination.

A look at Google Print.

The Nation looks at global warming and the melting of the arctic.

TVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

2005-10-21T15:10:00.000-07:00

Blossom on Curb and Scott Baio on Arrested Development. So Vicki the Robot will be on next week's "Everybody hates Chris"?

Actually, in sort of related news, I heard Danica McKellar, Winnie Cooper, is back on TV. Wonder Years was probably the greatest thing to come out of the 60's after JFK and the moon landing. LBJ doesn't even come close. It's cool that he serves a reminder that Democrats from Texas existed and could be successful, but he's no Winnie Cooper. Oh Winnie Cooper! Fellers, this girl has a degree in mathematics from UCLA. We're not talking Borcherds here but she apparently co-authored a math proof. She is also directing something. I am smitten.

Spread it with unprotected sex

2005-10-21T14:42:00.000-07:00

This picture needs to become viral. The three of you that are out there, spread it.

Beautific. Harriet Miers' correspondence with (then) Governor and Mrs. Bush. This has bimbo written all over it. Cronyism will be the downfall of our government. That or necrophilia. Maybe both?

More Miers.

Embryonic research in the fray. More stems cells.

"What David Stern is trying to do is repair the NBA's so-called image problem. My view is that any institution in American that's in the public eye has an image problem. The Catholic Church, politics, big business, hollywood, the NFL, major league baseball, they all have image problems, but that phrase is more associated with the NBA than all of those institutions combined. I'm constantly hearing and reading about the NBAs so-called image problem. The only difference between the NBA and those institutions is that it's 80% black, and I think that there's a segment of the population that is still not comfortable with black men in dominant positions. And so David Stern is actually responding to that racism because he knows when that when black men don't conform to the standards and norms of society, they're viewed negatively. He's saying, "If I can get them to dress in way that conforms with societal norms, maybe they won't be viewed so negatively." Chris Broussard on the NBA's new dress code. I can dig him.

2005-10-21T00:43:00.000-07:00

Gee, what a shocker. Sleeplessness is bad.

Time magazine pretends like it knows the next 5 big things.

Hyponatremia: too much water. There have been several reported cases of this potentially fatal condition in marathon runners.The NYT counsels.

The effects of snoring.

The NYT has finally caught on to Google mashups.

Cars, cars, cars: First, heed caution in buying used cars and check for water damage. Apparently, lots of used cars are going on the market that were damaged by Hurrican Katrina. Second, so maybe my opinion that Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, aka the real-life mayor quinby, is an unequivocally reprobate greaseball is a little unfounded. He is one of the few governors who don't drive SUVs. Finally, the big-three American car companies, imitating their superior foreign competitors, are starting to embrace the hybird paradigm.

If you haven't read, the arctic soon will be the world's biggest water park. And of course everyone wants in.

Google's profit, profit!, increased 7x last quarter. Escuchame! Their stock is at $325. Fuck myself.

New DVD players comin, comin, comin next year. One moment it looks like Sony is edging Toshiba by a little bit, and the next it's the other way around.

halloween

2005-10-20T00:53:00.000-07:00

I should've posted this a long time ago: What follows are some ideas for Halloween costumes. All of these are indisputably brilliant and will have the hipster girl that is dressed as the topless chick from "The Life Aquatic" at the party you are going to swooning over you.

1. team zissou, replete with red beanie hats, the zissou adidas shoes, and the blue outfit (with the Z's).

2. dr. tobias funke. must have the eyeglasses, the bald cap, and the cutoffs. can't ever be nude, even when going to the bathroom. you may optionally add the dashiki african tribal shirt. or you can go all out, apply yourself with blue body paint, and go out as blue man group tobias. a good accessory would be "analrapist"business cards. i am going to name my first child tobias funke. and have him wear cutoffs instead of diapers. this is my costume this year.

3. kim jung il. you need the large, gold late 70's/80's eyeblasses, the dr. evil-style gray suit, the korean haircut. recommended are the blue-blocker type sunglasses
with the white stripes that he has been seen wearing. need to be 60 pounds overweight. you cannot wear this costume if you plan on carrying around banned North Korean triplets or kidnapped Japanese directors as an added effect because that will ruin it. rub your 2 IQ points and start a fire.

4. burger king king. you know. the guy from the burger king commercials. this would be a good costume if everyone you hate weren't going to be wearing it. fuckin predictable hacks. anyways, burger king has caught on to the fanfare and is selling masks here. you can get a King Francois the First costume at amazon or Toys R us. good luck getting a burger king medallion on ebay. if you wear this costume, you are a total phony by default.

5. Willie Wonka. the black Willy Wonka. he's a walking stereotype: pimp cane, shiny purple suit (or a regular purple Sears-type one), gold teeth, 13-inch penis (this is necessary), a fro. if carried out in the wrong way, like if all night you kept quoting from "The Chappelle Show" like every other unoriginal, MDMA-overdosed buffoon, this costume would be trite and idiotic. i hate you and your G.E.D.

6. a suicide bomber equipped strings of Champagne party poppers. this isn't my idea; it's hers. soooo good. i'm in love with her cerebral cortex.

The Jewish post

2005-10-19T12:03:00.000-07:00

I don't know if Will Ferrell is a genius, but this new NASCAR parody movie, High, Wide, and Handsome, has Sacha Baron Cohen so that's all that matters. And John C. Reilly. F-Fa-Fresh. There are pictures of the actors on set here. This fuckin guy. "Ali G couldn't make me laugh if he got me high and had puppies lick my feet." Heh heh heh. What a funny guy! Of course, to make him laugh, Ali G would have to intravenously feed him heroin while he spooned a cat. He's more of a cat & heroin person.

NY magazine asks if Jews are smarter.

The NYT profiles Rachel Ray, the prolific Food Network cook.

The Chinese economy is booming. Will it burst soon?

Can imaging the brain reveal pyschological disorders?

South park is back on.

20% of the humane genome is patented. (via Kottke)

A must read from Time magazine if only to read Moby talk about the Internet.

This comic is pretty funny.

What about Stephen Colbert's new show?

Sorkin v. Klosterman

2005-10-17T21:06:00.000-07:00

Everything that Aaron Sorkin has ever worked on has been orgasmic. Sports Night, The American President, West Wing, A Few Good Men (eh, sort of). He is probably my favorite television writer ever.

Word is, he is developing a new series that is a behind-the-scenes look of a sketch-comedy show. He seems pretty interested in what goes on behind-the-scenes. Now that Six Feet Under has ended, perhaps Peter Krause will sign on to join the cast? Or, maybe, just maybe, even Josh Charles?

Chuck Klosterman writes about how much TV he watches in the NYT. Who gives a shit? You are not Jack Kerouac and you are not Kurt Vonnegut and you are not even Dave Eggers. This generation does not identify with you; you feign intellectualism but you exude banality. Spin sucks. Go away.

Time's top 100 novels of all time.

The New Yorker profiles Sarah Silverman, the comedian Goddess who I daydream about regularly. I don't understand why she is dating Jimmy Kimmel.

Some psuedo-doctor named Michael Specter discusses the avian bird flu and the risk of a pandemic.

bloggin ain't easy , but hoein' ain't hard to do, boo-ba-pssh boo-ba-pssh

2005-10-14T17:07:00.000-07:00

The imaginary foundation is a company based here in San Francisco and they sell crazy shirts. Crazy like Stuart Scott's left eye. Anyways, check it.

Look Kids! Wacky contraceptives from the 20th century! A wet, sticky adventure! Ages 8+. Do not swallow. Lubricants sold seperately.

The british secret service starts a website.

Are you ready to be shocked? I mean floored in the fetal position, seizing in a feverish fit surprised? Noodles. They were invented in China.

Apple Shmapple. $2 an episode is exorbitant. The PSP plays MPEG-4 encoded videos, is cheaper than the video
iPod, and has a bigger screen. Apple can shampoo my crotch.

TomKitten, the hooved, beast that will be the child of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, < href=" http://www.slate.com/id/2128041/">may be delivered in a silent birth, where the idea is to feign relaxation and deliver the baby without painkillers.

The debate on the ethics of genetic enhancement.

2005-10-12T22:54:00.000-07:00

I spooge all over last week's Arrested Development. Not just the Bob Loblaw thing. Buster and Job made it funny, like they used to.

Nova drops the A-bomb this week. Albert Einstein's E=mc²! Who will play Albert Einstein? Thanks goodness it won't be Walter Matheau.

Cameron Crowe's new movie, "Elizabethtown", stars Legolas and Kirsten Dunslut. It looks doomed. Oh well. It'll probably have a nice soundtrack.

I don't know who Gobelins is and I'm nost sure what the kid is saying in animated short but, hola paco, this character should be in a movie.

If you ever ever ever need to book a hotel, you need to use Priceline. You will save quite a bit using biddingfortravel.com. It gives you the winning bid prices that people won with on Priceline for each and every hotel in major cities. You can get 4-star hotels for under $50 pretty easily.

This chick produced Friends. And now she sleeps on $20 bills.

This Nick Denton guy is everywhere. Gawker blows chunks of nutty shit. I hate on him.

Gum disease linked to premature births.

Article about this year's 2 nobel prize winners for medicine.

Why is Kobe beef so good?

A.J. Jacobs writes for Esquire. And he outsourced his life to India. He hired two girls to basically replace him so that he could watch reality tv. By replace I mean do his job, argue with his wife, update his wikipedia entry, errands, etc. Yoyo ma.

Uncle Morty's Dub Shack sounds like a good show. I wanna watch!

More on that ridiculous play in yesterday's Angels-White Sox game.

Everyone agrees. Harriet sucks.

A working manuscript for Beethoven's "Gross Fuge" was recently discovered.

Why don't I just subscribe?

2005-10-12T20:50:00.000-07:00

NYT on Katrina evacuees and hotel life.

Oh yummy good. Maria Sharapova in the NYT.

Like you haven't heard. Apple released the video ipod.

Stephen Colbert has his own show, "The Colbert Report". I don't know about this. The NYT has a writeup.

What's going on with this Miers nomination? Her nomination alone is partisan and patently absurd. She was NEVER A JUDGE.

An Orthodox Jew grapples with his new pig heart.

A strategy for California's $3 Billion gagillion Stem-cell research project.

Yeah rad. Was there a species of little people on Indonesia 12,000 years ago?

So many links I have for you

2005-10-11T23:48:00.000-07:00

CNN ponders: Where will Google go next? I say google porn because not enough people masturbate to them as it is. More google blowjobs from Slate.

Nobel laureate Thomas Schelling's little-known role in Vietnam.

Apple admits: The nano is a wee bit screwy.

I haven't posted enough about the bird flu. I know you want it.

IBM announces that it won't use genetic information in hiring/firing employees.

Malcom Gladwell's encyclopedic piece on Harvard's admission policies.

A new book out that argues that my flava fav Lincoln's depression was his driving force.

Go see Wicked!

More artists I hump: Joe Newton, Ray Caesar, Rachell Sumpter, Seonna Hong, Evan Fan, Kozyndan, Karin Weiner, Richcard Colman, Caroline Hwang, Deth P. Sun, Megan Whitmarsh,

Squid and the whale: The one in which Billy Baldwin becomes William Baldwin

2005-10-11T00:37:00.000-07:00

Squid and the whale. Get with it. This movie is the cream of the mothafuckin crop. It is the partly-autobiographical tale of growing up a child of divorced parents from Wes Anderson's writing partner on The Life Aquatic. Yes. Noah Baumbach.

An interview with director/writer/producer Noah Baumbach. Another one.

This is what I'm here for My Baaabe-aaays

2005-10-10T17:42:00.000-07:00

This link embodies all the reasons I started this blog. People need to know this stuff. People need to know that, Yes Goddamnit, Sarah Silverman's appearance on Late Night with Conan O'brien in July 2001 was one of the funniest guest appearances on late night TV ever. You guys need to know that, although San Francisco native Dave Eggers sometimes comes across as a nitpicking, smug pantywaist, A Heartbreakig Work of Staggering Genius was nevertheless fun to read. You need to have Jeffrey Ross' NY Friars Club roasts memorized because they are the stuff of legend, and you need to DVR re-runs of official Friars Club roasts as soon as possible (especially Jerry Stiller's roast). And listen to Bill Cosby's "Himself". Because the Black Table says so.

A poem in one sentence: Oh global warming! How I wait for thee!

2005-10-10T17:39:00.000-07:00

Yes, the solution to the imminent global-warming crisis and the global rise of sea levels and the fucking vanishing of Venice and the melting of the polar ice caps is of course to drill for more oil in the arctic, sell it for lots of money so that the 25 million Americans who own SUVs — only 5% of whom use theirs to off-road — can continue to live in ignorant bliss and soccer moms can continue to empower themselves with a false sense of power by harnessing their $30,000 strap-ons, hasten the rise of the global climate and the pollution of our precious air, and basically just drill-fuck the Earth from the Arctic all the way through the mantle to the core and back through the mantle again, finally penetrating Antarctica until all of humanity experiences a collective orgasm and we've sucked Earth dry of all her fossil fuels so we can finally go back to exploiting animals for transportation.

Sunday, now Monday, reading

2005-10-10T17:36:00.000-07:00

Ricky Gervais was in a band? An 80's new-wave band at that? Why am I only hearing of this today? Why does he look like a Ken doll on the album cover?

Someone created a new trailer for "The Shining" so that it sells as a romantic comedy. View here. It's been on every blog on the internet for like 10 days; if you haven't heard, you have a low IQ. Like your dog kicked you in Broca's area when you were a kid. Go to college.

Anyways, the editor's name is Robert Ryang and he submitted it to a trailer contest for editors' assistants. A short writeup about him.

Photo printers: Buy or not?

And sales of SUVs plummet.

Some words English should have that other languages do have. And an article in the same vein.

New cases of avian flu reported in Europe.

2005-10-08T16:10:00.000-07:00

Mini is making an SUV.

All about E=mc².

More on the bird flu.

A vaccine that prevents cervical cancer. Sort of.

The Miers quagmire.

A review of college reference guides.

Notes on what the next Ghostbusters movie would be like if Jim Jardouche were to direct. Of course this will be in black and white, and will feature 4 spoken words, some unintelligible mumbling, and an orgasm for dialogue.

10 foods you should never eat and why.

H5N1: The fluuuuuu!

2005-10-07T10:01:00.000-07:00

So if you have not heard, I come with the word. The Avian bird flu, or H5N1, is getting a lot of media coverage. So far, the virus has killed 60 people and millions of birds. Currently, the humans seem to only contract it from poultry. Countries with a high poultry population such as Vietnam, Cambodia, and Indonesia are the most vulnerable.

H5N1 is different from the flu varities of recent years in two significant ways. First, it is widely believed that humans have no natural immunity to it; it is an altogether different strain of flu. Second, the bird flu — at least for now — isn't easily transmitable between humans. However, viruses recombine and mutate fairly regularly, dropping and adding pieces of DNA between transmissions. It is possible that H5N1 could recombine with the common flu and come to pack a deadly one-two punch. How likely that is to happen remains an unanswered question.

There is a vaccine for the current strain of H5N1. However, the stock of vaccine as well as the production capacity to mass produce the vaccine are limited. Recently, the U.S. has awarded contracts to drug makers Sanofi-Aventis and GlaxoSmithKlien as part of a plan to amass 20 million vaccines and 20 million anti-virals.

These preventative measures, while requisite, are nevertheless futile because they were designed to treat the current strain of the virus. If a pandemic breaks, it will likely be due to a different strain of H5N1, one that will not respond to current vaccines. Developing a new vaccine is estimated to take between 4 and 6 months, and this will be spearheaded by the U.S. and other developed countries. The WHO fears that developing countries in southeast Asia and Africa will be left out in the cold.

The last major flu pandemic was in 1918. The "Spanish Flu" killed more than 50 million (!) people. In an effort to understand this virus and related viruses better,
the CDC has resurrected the 1918 flu. They have found that this virus was an avian flu that jumped to humans.

This has the potential to be much worse than SARS, which as you may recall was believed to have contracted from Chinese bats. So stay away from live poultry if you can.

Women I'd Like to Blog: Jill Soloway

2005-10-06T22:52:00.000-07:00

Jill Soloway wrote for Six Feet Under. For fellow enthusiasts, she wrote the episodes "Back to the Garden" and "I'll take you", among others. She also wrote a short story titled, "Courtney Cox's Asshole". This got her an interview with Alan Ball, Six Feet Under's creator. Her resume also includes a pilot for the show "Jewess Jones" that was never picked up. These are the reasons I want to have unprotected sex with her.

Anyways, she has a new book out called "Tiny Ladies in Shiny Pants", and she was interviewed by The Black Table.

More Jill Soloway.

2005-10-06T11:30:00.000-07:00

Headphones can lead to hearing loss. And if they're playing pop-claiming-to-be-fuckin-punk-emo-goth bands like Good Charlotte or Green Day or Simple Plan or Story of the Year, your ears will bleeeeeed! Or Linkin Park. FM radio could be so much better. Not just in terms of music. Half of FM radio should just be podcasts.

The Times rhymes about Harriet Miers, President Bush's next Supreme Court nominee. She has never been a judge. Isn't that a problem?

Neat article about quicksand in the NYT.

Burma doesn't use GDP. Instead, the Burmese use are using a new measure of economic wealth that takes into account happiness.

A pill-sized camerathat can film your innards. This is different that existing cameras
because it gives surgeons much better control. (via BB)

If you've ever thought about investing in real estate, a good read.

The man defending Saddam is Ziad al-Khasawneh. He is profiled in the atlantic monthly.

New York Magazine writes about Jeff Zucker, NBC's president.

What to do if you are attacked by a bear.

Suprise: people are buying more bikes.

The post about Mirah

2005-10-04T14:32:00.000-07:00

DJs have infiltrated the operating room. I bet there's already some DJ out there that dresses up in scrubs and wears booties and calls himself like DJ coma or DJ pulse oximeter.

Is the avian flu foreal?

Flowers are losing their scent.

The Guardian covers Jon Stewart.

Watch your juublees bike riders!

Franz Ferdinand gets an 8.3 and Broken Social Scene gets an 8.4?

Now I must mention Mirah. She of "The Microphones". She who makes my chutzpah go Kockeputzi. I don't know what I just said. Her music is folksy but quirky and experimental. She jives on the ukulele. You rise with the helium in her voice and then fall with her fuzzy, minimal melodies. She is great. Recently, she collaborated with some dame named Ginger Takahashi to form "The Black Mountain Music Project". You can listen to them here.

Hang these on your wall

2005-10-03T16:56:00.000-07:00

Malcom Gladwell, why does every article you write have to be 20 pages long? A lengthy read: The wacky world of ivy-league admissions.

New york doormen are sycophants.

What to grab from your house in the event of an emergency evacuation.

Those freakonomics guys on the removal of dog poop.

Holy shit. Holyyyy shit. A profile on Time O'Reilly by Wired. (via BoingBoing)

This TV Funhouse sketch is probably the funniest one I've seen. The Smurfette Show. This will make you want to pierce your smurf. Robert Smigel is brilliant.

Ever heard of Okonomiyaki . It's like Japanese pizza.

Really cool hair-art made in the shower. Lots of good stuff in her album. (Via BoingBoing)

Art you should hang on your wall: Rachel Sumpter, Carolina Chaves , Kelly Lynn Jones, James Jean, Tom D., Gary Baseman, Catalina Estrada, Leif Parsons, and Alex Lukas

haa joke

2005-10-03T16:32:00.000-07:00

This guy wants to be a proctologist, and he wants to be a really good proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little. Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music starts playing!

"...On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again..."
The guy really freaks out! He runs and gets the M.A. and drags the poor guy back to the table.

"Look!" he says, and pulls the cork out again "...On the road again..."

The M.A. is totally unimpressed...
"So what?" he says.
"Isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?
"the guy asked,
"Are you kidding?" says the M.A.
"Any asshole can sing country music!"

2005-10-02T12:37:00.000-07:00

Judd Apatow of Freaks & Geeks and Undeclared goodness writes for Slate's diary. He has bed Will Ferrell. Oh Judd. Oh Apatow. Why? How? It's only a matter of time before that unbearable prick Vince Vaughn shows up in one of your films. And then a collaboration with executive producers McG, Michael Bay, and Josh Schwartz, featuring Vinny V, Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, and Owen and Luke Wilson in a 96-minute circle jerk.

I rub myself with the NYT. If you're ever in Akron, go to the Archives of the History of American Psychology.

David Foster is a writer/medical consultant for "House". I want to go to Harvard Medical School and then write for a medical TV drama.

Is the dollar dying? Also, psychological disorders such as anorexia nervosa and bulimia could be auto-immune diseases.

The Bush administration decided to drill in Alaska for oil (nevermind investing more in alternate forms of energy). But they might have problems.

If you don't eat breakfast, you need more gray matter. First of all, breakfast foods taste so good. Cereal? You can't beat mothafuckin oats and grain and raisens and marshmellows. Waffles, pancakes? And it's pretty cheap. And it's it's good for you.

The Boards of Canada have a new album coming out soon. Pitchfork interviewed them recently.
But much more importantly, BSS has a new album coming out this week. Yeeeeaaas. I've had an erection since last Thursday.

2005-09-30T15:00:00.000-07:00

You know that guy on SNL who sort of looks like Rivers Cuomo and was the mustachioed fellow Luigi in that fantastic 'Cork Soakers' with Titty Jackson? Well his name is Fred Armisen and he was profiled in the only newspaper in existence.

Via the venerable Kottke, a list of nicknames George W. Bush has for his acquaintances. These nicknames are pretty much all euphemisms for genetalia.

Why Grey's Anatomy and House are not anatomically correct. Slate lays it down.

MRIs can supposedly be used as lie detectors. Though this research was conducted at the "Medical University of South Carolina".

Japanese encephalitis has broken out in the northern state of Utter Pradesh in India. And the SARS may have sped from bats?

The American Society of Magazine Editors' National Magazine Awards. Lots of links to the past year's magazine articles.

Luke Chueh has neat art.
And so does Eve Wood.

Damn it. I should have thought of this. You could have gotten it here, but, alas, it's sold out now. They have other shirts.

The birthday problem

2005-09-30T14:43:00.000-07:00

Sooooo classic. What is the probability that in a class size of n people, say n = 30, that (at least) 2 people have the same birthday? Are you thinking less than 50%? Well you think wrong plebeians.

Let's try n = 2. One person has 1 of 365 bdays. If the other person does not have the same birthday, he must have one of the other 364. So the probability for n=2 is 1 - 364/365, or around 0.3%.

So for n=30, let's approach the problem the same way: we'll calculate the probability that no one in the class has the same birthday. One person has 1 of 365 bdays. The next person must have one of the other 364, the next one of the remaining 363, and so on until the nth person, who must have one of the (365 - n + 1) remaining days.

So we have (365/365) * (364/365) * (363/365) * ... * (365 - n + 1)/365.

This can be written P = (365!)/((365-n)! * 365ⁿ)

Of course the probability we want is 1 - P. So plug in n = 30 and you get around 70.6%.

Boo-ya.

Shit I post at all hours

2005-09-29T23:40:00.000-07:00

Squid and the whale? Umm hmmm. Yaya.

This woman was on Jet Blue flight 292. Don't fly Airbus A-320's. There have been at least 6 incidents with their front-nose landing gear.

If you live anywhere near Chicago or Tempe or Philadelphia, go to Cereality. It's a Cereal bar. They serve cereal. Can you believe?

Don't buy a Nano yet.

Fugees new album drops in December. God. First link to MTV.com.

I wonder if that's what Kurt Loder and the "anchor" that looks like the bisexual offspring of Joan Rivers and a fucking Mamba snake John Norris and his lover Gideon Yago do now. I wonder if they work on mtv.com. And that badass Sway ("my name is Sss-way bitches"). Sheeeeit. I could beat Sway's ass. Just kick my Nikes up his vulva.

My name is Ssss-way.

John Norris - Son of Chuck.

The entropy of this post is high

2005-09-29T21:47:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah is a band and they are good. I hear good things about new albums from "the editors" and "the rosebuds" and "wolf parade" and fuck yeah "Mazarin" and "American Analog Set" and lick myself "Broadcast".

Fries cause cancer. Acrylamide'll screw a nigga up. Stick to onion rings and tator tots. But calimari is so much better. Or clam chowder. Or Baba ganoosh. Or dolmas. Or deviled eggs. Maybe tabouli. Teriyaki chicken skewers. Empanadas. Hanything with Feta. Crab cakes. Crab rangoon. Or bruschetta. Avocado egg rolls. AHI TEMPURA ROLLS. Or! Or samosas! Goat is very good for you too.

This has turned into a post about appetizers.

An article about Conan in NY magazine. Conan talks smack about The Daily Show.

Someone you should google: David Javerbaum. He's the head writer at The Daily Show. And he's funnnny.

If you drive an SUV and you don't have more than a 4-person family and you aren't in law enforcement, please read this. Your lobotomy is causing you to ruin our environment. This will help you understand.

If you haven't Sudoku-ed yet, what the fuck is your problem? I am Mega Man, you Dr. Wily. We be enemies. East coast/west coast, rekanize.

Is the banana on its way to extinction?

Every person is entitled by law to get one free credit report from each of the 3 credit companies (Equifax, Transunion, and something else that begins with an E) every 12 months. Credit is rated on the FICO scale, which ranges from 300 (Mike Tyson) to 850 (John Maynard Keynes). The FICO score isn't free; the credit report is.

You should get yours here.

shows on TV

2005-09-29T21:02:00.000-07:00

"Kitchen Confidential" has been confirmed. I gave it Confirmation. Watch it. "My name is Earl" is okay. I think NBC should start developing projects based on all of the Coen Brethren movies.

"House" is so fucking tacular. I gizz on it with glow in the dark, mutated XY sperm. Oh my oh my. It's got Bobbi from "Sports Night" and Laurie from the good seasons of "The West Wing" and this. This. This Beauteous Goddess of Medical T.V. Drama.

All right. What in the else? "Reunion". No. "Curb your enthusiasm" hath returned. Confirmed. Christ be with it. "Lost" too. "Arrested Development"? Cuck-coo-cuck-ca-cooo. Blessed.

like dylan in the tveeees

2005-09-29T20:28:00.000-07:00

Bob Dylan via Martin Scorsese in the next PBS American Masters Series. I love like Ben Gibbard love hisself. Scorsese you wonder? Like "Gangs of New York" Scorsese? Like "The Aviator" Scorsese? No bitches. Like "Raging Bull" Scorsese". Like "Bringing out the dead" Scorsese.

I have the remix by DJ shadow

2005-09-29T18:28:00.000-07:00

Yes. Yes. Oh. The percussion group Yes. Yes. Yes. from Minnetonka High School in Minneapolis, led by Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh. My. Yes. virtuoso Brian Udelhofen, can play the first 2 songs from DJ Shadow's Entroducing. Yes. Yes. Labia. Yes. Oh. The video is here at archive.org. Oh. Yes. Yes.

Albert Brooks is a chumscrubber; he scrubs my chum

2005-09-29T17:34:00.000-07:00

I know he was a writer on SNL and, Jesus' pooh, he was in Taxi Driver, but why is this white Detective-Ricardo-Tubbs lookalike still acting? As far as I know, his core audience consists mostly of great-great grandparents, and they don't go out to the movies much anymore, right?

And why he purports to know enough about Islam to be able to satirize Americans' understanding of it is beyond me. Since when is Albert Brooks an authority on the perception of religion — any religion — in our society? I like the other Brooks so much better.

All I do is read the new york times; All i want to do is fingerbang Maureen Dowd

2005-09-29T13:42:00.000-07:00

Fuck Apple. Muck Fapple. Apple Fuck. Puck Afple.

The Arctic is melting. In related news, Mike Myers is still frozen fuckin stiff on the set of NBC's Hurricane Katrina fundraiser.

Recycle your cars you sluts. We are so wasteful.

For those of youseguys moving soon, is it better to buy or rent?

Veronica Mars. No yes?

PBS on the sixties. I jizz all over it.

2 = 1, i.e., i rock maths like the grapes a grapes a wrath

2005-09-29T13:33:00.000-07:00

let a = b

a² = ab

a² + a² - 2ab = ab + a² - 2ab

2(a² - ab) = a² - ab

2 = 1

OH yea!

2005-08-17T17:46:00.000-07:00

2+2

2005-08-17T17:33:00.000-07:00

2+2 = 4